


cherry wine

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, M/M, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-01-26 05:50:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21369187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: he burns like rum on a fire
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Phil Lester/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 4





	1. prelude

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! i'm also posting this story on wattpad if you'd like to check it out on there, my username is cherry-drizzle :) i hope you enjoy

he kissed me gently. his lips tasted like dark chocolate. sweet yet bitter. it felt toxically intoxicating. his gentleness was welcomed, a delicacy in my eyes. i cherished these moments of gentleness, no matter how quick they started or how soon they ended, like one would cherish an time spent with an old family member before they passed on. they were sweet and full of some form of love, but most importantly, beautiful. i wish i could experience the moments like these all day instead of the less than generous sprinkling of them in a day.   
i let my ghostly pale hands fall to his waist, pulling him closer to my body, wanting to hold the sweet taste of love in between my lips forever. i could feel him smile into my kiss, that pearly smile that only appeared a couple times a week and around other people. simply the feeling of it melted my heart. i wish i could see him smiling all the time, that beautiful smile that made his eyes squint ever so slightly and his cheeks glow a light rose. it was a true masterpiece, far greater than any painting in any museum.  
his fingers were intertwined in my hair, plunged into the deep blackness of my scalp. his lips moved with burning passion now, his tongue running along my lips feverishly, the gentleness replaced by lust, another rarity for me to indulge myself on like a fine wine. i drank it all up when i could.   
he bit my lip seductively and pushed me to the bed, straddling my hips as he sat on my lap. his lips moved from mine to my neck, leaving wet splotches of passion with each kiss. he stopped at my collarbone, this time letting his pearly teeth sink in gently and letting his cherry tinted lips suck at the snowy skin. the tenderness set my heart aflame, much like he did when we first were together. i felt new under his lips. they were my cool breeze on a hot day. my saving grace.   
he removed his mouth from my collarbone, leaving behind a new blossoming rose to sit amongst countless older orchids. the lack of him left me cold and lonesome, all that he left within me was a thirst for him. i wanted to get drunk off of him like i had just gotten my heart broken and i wasted my day drinking countless bottles of cheap, bittersweet wine. i craved more of it to fill my heart, to make me feel as whole as i was when his lips connected with my body.   
he looked at me with her eyes that paralleled the clouds before a rough storm, windy and cold, yet calm and comforting at the same time. those eyes were my world, my whole universe, all wrapped up into two small eyes that belonged to such a gorgeous guy. i looked back and smiled slightly, wondering how i got to love someone so beautiful.   
"please stop. you look more handsome when you don't smile."  
so i stopped, letting my grin drop faster than the rain falls. i moved closer and kissed him, hoping for the same gentleness he gave me earlier. instead, he pulled away, his cherry lips leaving my pale cotton candy ones.   
"no, sorry, you ruined it. you always do this, phil," he said, shaking his head and denying my lips on his.   
i frowned, the passion in my chest wilting like a rose that was left out of its vase. "i'm sorry."  
"oh, like you are every time? learn to control yourself next time. god, you're such a dick sometimes. do you ever even think about me?"  
the words stung like a swarm of wasps, constantly pricking my skin and leaving small traces of poison. i felt the heaviness of guilt pull itself onto my shoulders, hugging me uncomfortably and harshly as it dragged me down into its unforgiving hole. i always do this. i get too excited or too desperate for his love and he feels uncomfortable or frustrated with me. and he was right. i was a dick sometimes. i should just let him do her thing and not say a word. i should just appreciate the taste, the ever so slight burn in the back of my throat when he's in these moods.   
he got up out of the bed, leaving a trail of rose petals that seemed to wilt the closer they were to me. i watched him leave into the kitchen, watching the way he moved. i watched how his hips moved as he walked, the way his large hands rested at her sides. i watched the way the light danced along his blond hair, beautiful and shiny like pure gold.   
i let my hand rest on my arm as i gazed, wincing as i rubbed over week old bruises. the wine tasted sour now, the bitter taking over the sweet once more.   
sometimes, i wish i could say that i liked the revolting taste.


	2. rubies

phil stared mindlessly into the glass, semi-filled with a deep ruby liquid, his blue eyes fixated on the way the wine moved as he swirled it around and around and around, seemingly in an endless looping movement of his wrist. the liquor taunted him along with the now empty bottle of merlot that sat on the table. he didn't normally drink like this, but darren has left him alone for the weekend after his failure as a partner. even after three long years of being together, phil never knew how to please him, how to be enough. darren left about once every couple of months, leaving phil to sulk alone in their apartment, staring into his wine glass as if it were a crystal ball. as if it could give him answers about how to be a good enough lover.  
he let out a heavy sigh, his eyes fluttering closed as he brought the rim of his glass to his cherry blossom lips, letting the red liquid trickle into his mouth, the bitterness dancing along his tongue. he felt the warmth of the alcohol as it slid down his throat. it was comforting to him, warmer than darren ever was. no, he shouldn't think like that. he was being selfish when he did. darren loved him, didn't he?   
the bottle was empty. darren would notice if more bottles were gone. so he stayed in his seat, leaning his head against the cool granite counter top, his hand still resting on top of the wine glass. he used one finger to mindlessly trace circles just below the rim where his hand resided. he felt a tingling behind his eyes, a sudden uncomfortable warmth being pushed behind his nose. it was the feeling of crying. naturally, his eyes snapped shut again, this time pressing his eyelids closely together to prevent tears from dripping out from them. darren didn't like it when he cried. he said it made him feel bad and that he looked stupid while doing it. he hadn't cried around darren in over two years.   
"fuck," phil said, not necessarily to anyone. perhaps to the void. "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." the words poured from his lips like wine spilling from knocked over glasses, smoothly and quickly, without much thought. he fucked up. he'd been fucking up all week. him selfishly sucking the lustfulness out of sex wasn't even the last straw. it was him snapping back at darren over something stupid like darren yelling at him for being forgetful or something along those lines and phil saying something like "well, you're not so perfect yourself!" he couldn't control himself, just like he never fucking could.   
he took a deep, shaky breath, pulling his head up and running a hand through his raven hair. he hadn't realized he let go of his tears until the cool air froze the warm wetness on his cheeks. he swiped his hand along his face. he just needed to man up, right? stop being such a fucking pussy and just deal with his problems like a grown adult. maybe then he would finally feel good enough for darren and now want to drown his sorrows out in ruby red wines and showers that started out so hot they burned his skin but slowly retreated into an icy rain that pounded on phil's back until he felt slightly pure again. he took a deep breath in, his nose making a sick, wet sound as he did so. it felt warm. his skin was blotched with grotesque red spots and flushed around the nose and cheeks. it felt ugly. he felt ugly.  
he stood up, stalking over to the bathroom to gaze at himself in the mirror. he was a mess. his blue eyes were rimmed with ruby red rings. the ugly blotches dotted his cheeks and his nose was a shining red jewel in the middle of his face. tears still dripped down his face like raindrops off of a window. he wiped them off hurriedly as if darren would walk in that second and berate him for crying. he fixed his messed up quiff with his fingers and he fixed his messed up face with cold, cold water. he looked a bit better now, but not by much.   
phil, already drunk, felt like he needed a drink. or a nap. or both. he went back to the kitchen where he had left his phone. maybe he should call darren, he thought, his hand trembling ever so slightly as it reached for the phone. he should just apologize. it was his fuck up, not darren's. but would darren appreciate it? doubt crept through his mind as he picked up the phone and scrolled through his contacts.   
there was his name, next to it was a single blue heart. darren wanted it to be blue. "just like your eyes," he had said with a warm, loving smile. phil still remembered how his heart fluttered when he said that. it made phil feel beautiful. he tapped on the contact and called darren, his heart beating out of his chest due to his nerves. not the positive kind of nerves, the kind that makes you stutter and smile and blush. it was the kind that grips at your spine, shaking your entire body ever so slightly. phil was shaking now as the phone rang. and rang. and rang.   
and then it stopped.   
"phil?"  
phil mentally let out a sigh of relief. he didn't sound mad. just a bit tired. "darren, i'm so so sorry. please come home."  
he could hear darren let out a small laugh. "try not to do it again, okay?"  
"yes, of course, love. please come home," phil repeated. he was desperate. darren could've been acting over the phone. what if he was still pissed? what if he was with a different man? phil needed to know he was okay.   
"phil... i can't. i booked a trip to florida. i'm at the airport right now."  
"florida? for how long?"  
"a week. i'll be back before you know it. i promise, love."  
phil swallowed hard. this was last minute. millions of questions ran through his head. why? where was he staying? what was he doing in florida? who was he with? question after question filled phil's mind, threatening to spill out of his mouth in one long string of words that would whip at darren and scare him away.   
"okay. i love you."  
"love you too."  
the phone call ended. phil stood there, phone to his ear, head flooded with questions he didn't know the answer to. his head felt as if it was filled with cotton balls. it ached. his whole body ached. tears spilled from his eyes again and this time he didn't stop them. it wasn't as if darren could see him. darren was gone for a week. phil was alone. phil scrubbed his face, realizing that ruby red wine wasn't going to be good enough tonight. he needed something a bit stronger. something they didn't have in the house. phil splashed more freezing cold water on his face, wiped his eyes, and pulled on a jacket. he grabbed his keys and left the house.

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter was a little short lol


End file.
